Wise words

In the quest for peaceful, restful sleep, I'm working on incorporating some new bedtime rituals into my life lately. Before bed, I read a little selection from the book: "Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self" by Sarah Ban Breathnach. Last night I read the following selection. I hope you'll enjoy it, too:


Regardless of how we choose to look at our fears - whether we have caused our own problems or are simply caught in the snares of others', whether we are blindsided by a sudden crisis or have been running from one for a long time - we only have three choices:

1. Ignore it and hope it will go away. It won't.
2. Try and live with it. Not forever.
3. Look for the gift within our fear and benefit from it. When we do, we emerge on the other side of life, surprised by joy.

"Be joyful," the poet Wendell Berry encourages us. "Because it is humanly possible."

For Every

"For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”

- Ivan Panin

Emmy Wins

Yipee! I didn't seen the Emmys last night, but I just read a recap.
And my two favorite shows both won big!
Mr. White and Jesse (the two lead characters on Breaking Bad) won for Best Lead Actor and Best Supporting Actor! So amazing!

And Mad Men won for best drama!

I can't wait for the most recent seasons to come out on Netflix. The suspense.....

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Greetings. Happy Monday!
Seriously, eventually I will stop talking about platelets.
For those who want an update....

MY PLATELETS ARE UP THIS MORNING! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) I had a blood test at 6:30am.
On Friday when they were down to 24,000 - my plan was to wait over the weekend to make any decisions.

Today, they are at 31,000!
Whoo-hoo!
They are UP!

I truly believe the prayers, visualizing, positive thinking, green smoothies, supplements, vitamins, herbs, and breathing exercises are working!!!!!!! Bit by bit, the platelets going to come back. And I may just get to keep my dear ol' spleen!

And now back to my giant "to do" list pile. Oh me, oh my! Fall programming at church. Much to be done.

Thank you for being great - for your support and encouragement!

Live Everything

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.”

- Rainer Maria Rilke

Excursion

Here are some photos from today's walking excursion.
Have a tremendous weekend!

Great documentary!

Watch this movie! Heavy Metal in Baghdad. It is quite excellent.
Wow. Iraq. Wow.

Darn!

Greetings.
The platelets are down to 24,000 today.
I'm praying, researching, talking to people, and trying to make a new plan.
30,000 is the "danger zone" cut off and I'm now below that.
It doesn't mean alternatives "can't work" - it just means I'll probably need to choose a standard medical treatment plan, too.

Looks like a weekend wrapped in bubble wrap is in order for me. :)

I was so sure today they'd be higher. Darn.
I am trying to stay positive and cheerful.
But I feel a little sad & discouraged this afternoon.

To Hope

“In all things it is better to hope than to despair.”

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A Psalm 121 Kind of Week

Hi there,

This week, I've been reading Psalm 121 a lot on home visits and Care Center visits.
It's quite a fantastic set of words.
Yesterday, after hearing it a lady said: I really like that one. It means a lot to me right now.
Amen to that.


I lift up my eyes to the hills—
from where will my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
He who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time on and for evermore.

Wednesday Morning Quotes

(A picture from the Chicago days - down by the Lake)

"Progress is impossibe without change,
and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."
-George Bernard Shaw

"Smile, breathe, and go slowly."
-Thich Nhat Hanh

Bananas in Pajamas

I just got home, and you know what that means? Time for pajama bottoms! I just LOVE LOVE LOVE pajama pants lately. I have always been fond of them, but lately - I just want to wear them all the time.

My favorites at the moment are light blue and dark blue, with big - ridiculously large flowers all over them.

Do you like pjs? What do your favorites look like?

Tuesday Morning Quotes

Be brave enough to live life creatively. The creative place where no one else has ever been. - Alan Alda

"Don't stop believin' - hold on to that feeling." - Journey

Platelet Update:
Through lots of thought, prayer, and conversation with others, my decision is to stay at my current dose of steroids (15 mg) and continue weekly blood tests to make sure my platelets don't get dangerously low (below 10,000). If they do get dangerously low, then I will do a treatment called IVIG which temporarily raises platelets to a safe level.

I'll continue with the exercising, healthy eating, meditation, yoga, supplements, and herbs as well. I think it's all going to combine to fix the problem. I really do believe everything is going to be a-okay. :)

Miracles & an Update

So guess what?
My body is still eating platelets like they are a delicious lobster dinner or something!

However, I do FEEL totally healthy - so that's good!
And I've been SOOOOOOOO obsessively healthy lately, so it's pretty annoying that my platelets are so low.

I wish I knew why this was happening. I wish I knew the cause of this weird disease.
The platelets are going down, down, down each day. They are currently at 33,000.

I had a blood test today and a meeting with my doctor.
The options are not that great. Quadruple my steroid dose. Get immunized tomorrow for a spleenectomy. Or triple my steroid dose and go on a drug that turns off the immune system for 3 months. WEIRD.

I am not going to choose any of those.

So my preferred option is: A MIRACLE!

UPDATE:
My decision is to stay at my current dose of steroids (15 mg) and continue weekly blood tests to make sure my platelets don't get dangerously low.

I'll continue with the exercising, healthy eating, meditation, yoga, supplements, and herbs as well. I think it's all going to combine to fix the problem. I really do believe everything is going to be a-okay. :)

Pick a country, any country.

Have you seen "Eat Pray Love" yet? Or read the book?
I read the book (by Elizabeth Gilbert) a year or two ago, and in a lot of ways, I really enjoyed it.

My favorite part of the movie was getting to experience Italy, India, and Bali!
How fantastic that Gilbert was able to spend a year traveling!

If you could pack your bags and spend the next 3 months in ANY country of your choosing, which would you choose?

I would choose: INDIA! (Or Egypt) (Or Afghanistan) (Or Japan)

Your turn!

Taste the Beauty

This morning a group of us from church headed over to the Rochester Farmer's Market. What a splendid, life-giving environment! And there were SO many people there. It is inspiring to see all the vendors and the patrons.

Here's a fun, food-related quote for the day:

Did you ever stop to taste a carrot? Not just eat it, but taste it?
You can't taste the beauty and energy of the earth in a Twinkie.
~Astrid Alauda

But then, you were brave.

Today I had some very special time with a very special lady in her 90s.

For awhile, we talked about gardening.
She loves to hear the updates on my first garden.
I didn't have the heart to tell her that the garden is over and it might have poisoned me.

Instead, I told her a happy update about the church council's recent decision to grow a garden next spring. And I told her about the fresh garden produce table that will be out every Sunday (starting this week) for people to exchange veggies. She was elated. This lovely lady is the one who first talked to me about gardening last winter. I got to hear all kinds of wonderful stories about the huge garden she grew out on the farm. Every word she speaks and smile she smiles inspires me. She exudes authenticity.

Today she said: "Are you going to learn to can?"

I said: "I'm not sure. I'm a little scared."

She said: "Do you remember how scared you were about gardening? But then, you were brave. And you did it."

It was a the kind of visit that left me thinking: "God, thank you, thank you, thank you for this job."

As I was leaving, she said: "I'll be thinking of you today. Out working in your garden."
I said: "And I will be thinking of you." And I have been - all day.

Art & Spirit

“Where the spirit does not work with the hand there is no art” - Leonardo da Vinci

Odd.

It's August 18th!
Seriously!
Can you believe that?
Earlier today I had a total wake-up call when I realized that it's nearly the end of the summer.
Whoa!
It is so odd how quickly time flies by.
It seems like only yesterday that I was 12, over-excited about the prospect of new school supplies.

And Chicago - that seems like yesterday, too. I can't believe I lived in Illinois for four years. Was that a dream? I want it all to slow down. Slooooooow down, time. Please. I want to savor all these minutes and hours and days and life chapters. Well, if time isn't slowing down, then I guess I better just get to appreciating every single moment, huh? Time. It's such a precious, precious gift - how could I forget to pay attention to something so beautiful?

Letting Go.

Last night I was out for a walk.
In the distance, I noticed a blonde-haired boy about the age of 7.
He was wearing a light blue shirt and carrying an empty ice cream bucket.

We were walking opposite directions on the sidewalk.

He had a huge smile on his face. I said, "Hello."
He said, "Hello."

Then, a few paces after our paths had crossed, he stopped and called out.

"I just let a frog go free."

I said, "That's wonderful. What color was he?"
The boy said, smiling gleefully, "He was brown."

"I'm sure he's going to have a very nice life. It was kind of you to free him."

He nodded his head up and down repeatedly. "Yep," he said, still with one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen.

Sometimes I forget how much freedom there is in letting go.

Music Recommendation

(another picture from Good Earth Village taken yesterday.
Blue skies - so irresistible!)

Music recommendation -

Peter Groenwald

Find his EP on Itunes. 5 songs. They are all awesome.
I have been listening for about two weeks straight.

Your turn. What's on the soundtrack of your week?

Moth?

This little gal is a moth, right? Or a butterfly?
We had a church council retreat yesterday, and during some free time, I went for a walk. This moth let me do a little photo shoot with her! I got lots of pictures, but this was my favorite. I'm not sure why. It isn't really even in focus. I like her wing angle.

I also don't know if it's a boy or a girl. There are boy moths and girl moths, right? It's moments like these I recognize the gaps in my education.

I know I said I wasn't going to mention platelets much anymore.
So I'll do just do an update for those interested (i.e. - if platelet talk makes you annoyed, you can stop reading now. Please come visit tomorrow, though!)

I had my weekly blood test today.
Today's total: 50,000 platelets.

I'm choosing to be positive about it. Last week I had more. But two weeks ago I had a lot less.
I'm not really sure if any of my supplements, foods, juices, meditation, or walking are doing anything. But, I like to think it's making a difference. 2 weeks ago I was taking the same dose of Prednisone that I am on now, and my platelets were 12,000. And now they are 50,000! So I think all the "extras" are making a difference.

I am praying for good discernment, a good attitude, a sense of humor, and that all my organs & blood get back on the same page.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers and emails and messages. I'm so thankful for you! Four weeks ago I went to the ER! What a month!

This is going to be SUCH a hilarious story someday. Really.

Goals for a new week....

1. Breathe more intentionally.

2. Go to a yoga class.
3. Affirm people regularly and genuinely.
4. Exercise daily.

Your turn - what are some weekly goals you're ready to commit to?

Mary's Song

This morning at church we celebrated Mary.
I wish I could've known her.
I wish we could've sat down for a cup of tea.

The gospel text for today was Luke 1: 46-55. It's often known as "Mary's Song."

Verses 52 and 53 are really quite radical when you think about them.

"God has brought down the powerful from their thrones, and lifted up the lowly; God has filled the hungry with good things, and sent the rich away empty. "

Even before Jesus came into the picture, Mary had a deep understanding of a God who advocated justice, equal distribution of resources, and compassion for all.

I wonder if Mary had good gal pals. I wonder what she loved to cook. I wonder what kind of husband Joseph was to her. I wonder what her favorites books and verses of the Old Testament were. Quite a lady, that Mary. Quite a lady.

Too Strong to Stop

“What was any art but a mold in which to imprison for a moment the shining elusive element which is life itself - life hurrying past us and running away, too strong to stop, too sweet to lose.”

- Willa Cather

The early, early morning.

These days, I wake up around 4:30am every morning.

I'd prefer it was a 6:30am wake-up time, but, the ol' steroids in my bloodstream have a mind of their own (hopefully I will only be ingesting them for the sake of the platelets for another month or so).

On a positive note, this very early "rise and shine" means I am able to enjoy extra hours every day. There are some negative notes of 5 hours of sleep a night - but many of you are parents, so I'm sure you're all-too-aware of the downsides to less sleep. And, who wants to dwell on the downers, right? Better to just focus on the "special blessing" of getting extra awake hours to enjoy the wonders of creation.

This morning, while all was quiet, I listened to last week's Ramadan-themed episode of "Speaking of Faith," watched the documentary "The September Issue" about Anna Wintour (editor of Vogue magazine), and ate breakfast.

I should've written a post about Ramadan when it began a few days ago.

This Wikipedia link on Ramadan is a good one: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramadan

If you'd like to hear lots of personal reflections on this sacred month of the Muslim faith, I highly recommend last week's "Speaking of Faith" podcast. http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/2010/ramadan/

Have a lovely Saturday! It's super foggy, but I think I'm going to head out for a nice, long walk filled with happy thoughts and deep breaths.

A lovely, lovely poem!

Today I got my hair highlighted/lowlighted/trimmed.
I feel a little weird about all those chemicals, but I feel positive about the results.
Life is about balance, right? And since I haven't really eaten very many bad chemicals today, perhaps it isn't SO terrible that I let them sit on my head for an hour.

The coloring of the hair process takes quite a long time, so I had a good visit with my new friend & stylist, Mandy.

I also read a little of the book "Ten Poems to Change Your Life Again and Again" by Roger Housden. The author writes a little commentary on ten different poems written by poets throughout history. My favorite is "With That Moon Language" by Hafiz. Here it is:

Admit something.

Everyone you see, you say to them, "Love me."
Of course you do not say this out loud; otherwise, someone would call the cops.
Still, though, think about this, this great pull is in us to connect.
Why not become the one who lives with a full moon in each eye that is always saying,
with that sweet moon language,
what every other eye in this world is dying to hear?

Isn't that beautiful?
And so true. So, so true.
What a thought.
It makes me want to write "I love you" notes to all the humans of the earth.
And all the other flora and fauna, too.

Stormy Weather!

There was a storm that blew through town around 5:30am this morning! Wowzers! The beans in my backyard got flattened. It's hard to tell much from these pictures, but hopefully you'll get the idea. The power just came back on about 10 minutes ago.

Flattened Soybeans.

The leaves of my sunflowers.

:( As you can see - this guy is really sad! All the sunflowers are now devoid of their happy, thick leaves. Now they just look like creepy plants. Now the garden is really over, over.

Another sad sunflower.

A bunch of the sunflowers got knocked down, but there are a few droopy ones left standing.
It's a silly site!

Write the second sentence of the story...

Greetings! Let's try something new and exciting. I'll start out a story. And you write the second sentence, okay? Seriously! Do it. It will be fun. It can be random or serious or silly or whatever you want!

Once upon a time,
in a place where flowers grew upside down,
there was a boy with hair the color of the sun.

_____________________________

Influence

Blessed is the influence of one true,
loving human soul on another.
- George Eliot

Bed Time

Good night, dear readers.
I'm so thankful for you.
Thanks for taking time to click on this blog and read this digital space.
This "Life Breathing" blog is a precious part of my daily life, and it is a joy to have this space to share and grow in community.

You'll be relieved to know, I am going to hold off on any future platelet talk and move on to other topics (although if there are ever TRULY important health updates, I'll be sure to share - But I'm convinced that I'm better now and everything will be normal from this point forward).

My not-so-distant-future blog goals:
-Dabble in REAL journalism - do interviews, videos, etc.

-More food/recipes/local movement

-Short stories/poetry

-Yoga

-Randomness

-Photography

Chew more

Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.
~A Swedish Proverb

Fast Internet Girl!

Whoa! I have fast Internet at my house!

Last week I called Charter to set all this up. The person who I talked with about the installation said the tech could be here by 8am, and then I'd be able to go to work by 8:30am with the tech here alone - as long as I felt okay about that and left the necessary funds required.

It turned out that the tech didn't show up until 9am, and he said I couldn't leave. I called Charter at 8:15am wondering where the tech was at.

Arg! I was a frustrated girl, but I went into work before the tech got here and explained the situation - it wasn't a big deal at all, especially since I'll be working until 10pm tonight anyway. That's still a 12 hour day - so I guess everything works out just fine. Then I headed back home to sit while the technician did the installation.

And - as a special bonus - due to the mistake on Charter's part (Charter is the Internet/Cable company) - I get free installation. That's $85!

And now I have fast Internet. Wow! It's so much faster!
Upgrade upgrade upgrade!

Now back to work.

Have a lovely Tuesday!

Recommendations

Hi there! I just wanted to recommend 2 great episodes of Speaking of Faith to you. You can download this fantastic weekly podcast on Itunes.

-Land, Life, and the Poetry of Creatures - from 6.10.2010

-The Moral Math of Climate Change - from 8.5.2010

And a music recommendation, too: Peter Groenwald - GOOD STUFF!

If you've listened to any of these - please leave a comment! I'd love to dialogue with you about it!

Rejoice!

69,000 platelets today!
Way to go, platelets.

Way to go, spleen.

Way to go, immune system.

I am thankful. Thankful. Thankful.
Looking forward to a future free of blood tests and Prednisone.
In the meantime, VERY thankful that the numbers are moving in the right direction. I won't have another blood test until next Monday!
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers and encouragement.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow

Good morning, friends!
Happy Monday to you.
Did you have a lovely weekend?
Did you eat anything tasty?
I am so in love with apples & peanut butter lately!

I'm getting Internet at home (FAST Internet) tomorrow!
I'll post more regularly after that.

Have you seen the movie "Inception" yet?
WHOA! Total head-trip. I LOVED IT!
I went with a gal pal over the weekend.
I highly recommend it.
I think my newest celebrity crush is: Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
He was adorable in 500 Days of Summer, too.

I have a blood test this morning - hoping for great masses of platelets to be flowing through my veins. We shall see.

Nature Pictures

Happy Friday!

I went on a nice, long, spectacular sunshine walk today.
I know flower pictures aren't always the most exciting to look at - and they never really, exactly capture the beauty of creation. But I just can't resist.

Tuesday = New Internet

Hi there!

My posts will be sporadic until Tuesday - when I get REAL Internet through Charter!
Whoo-hoo! Major life upgrade! And it's even cheaper than the dial-up-style (more or less) I'm currently utilizing.

Have a great night. :)

Platelet update

Hey there, everyone!
Sorry about the less-than-regular posting this week. My Internet at home isn't working. I think I'm going to get new Internet next week at home - FAST Internet instead of dial-up speed. That will be amazing!

I hope to post some fun non-platelet updates this weekend.
In the meantime, I had a blood test this morning at 6:30am and they just called with the results.
I'm up to 19,000 platelets!

This is good news.
Monday was 12,000, and today is 19,000 so they are moving in the right direction. :)
Slow and steady wins the race.

I had my bags packed just in case of an emergency, so I'm REALLY thankful for the HPU (happy platelet update). Now that I know I won't be rushing off to the hospital, I can relax and move on with today's agenda!

I get to go out to a local camp this afternoon and talk to a group of high schoolers about baptism for 90 minutes. I'm excited! It will be a great opportunity to be outside, soak in some sun, and talk about God's love. Sounds perfect!

Laughter

"The most wasted of days is one without laughter."
- e. e. cummings

The Poisonwood Bible

Have any of you read "The Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver????

I'm listening to it as a book on tape (through Audible.com).
I am LOVING it - truly! I'd love to chat/email/text about it with someone.
Let me know if you've read it. SO GOOD!

It's Krista Tippet's (host of NPR's Speaking of Faith) favorite novel - now I know why!

Visualization to Reality

Good morning, sprouts!

A view from yesterday.

A couple views from this morning.
It's SUPER foggy here.
Interestingly, if I had to create a picture to describe how my brain feels this morning -
this would be it exactly! Brain fog all around.

So in order to pep myself up and grow those platelets, I'm drinking a giant glass of Acai berry juice. Yes, I do know these "specialty juices" are probably just a bunch of hype. But what if it works? It can't do much harm. I want to be cheerful and healthy and NOT thinking about blood at work today.

And these steroids are not really my friends. I feel it. I'm still taking them because I don't have another choice right now, but I've got to find SOME way (hopefully that does NOT involve chemicals and drugs) to reset my crazy spleen so it stops sending out the fighter-pilot antibodies who are eating all my happy platelets!

Last night I tried some happy visualizations.
I was imagining my healthy spleen and my healthy platelets on the beaches of Mexico having mojitos together. The antibodies were there, too, and they were totally relaxed! They had decided to go on a water fast, so they weren't eating any platelets or any bad guys because there were no bad guys for them to eat. Everyone was totally getting along. It was beautiful.
Now, that needs to happen in real life.

This morning's Yogi "Women's Energy" teabag shares a quote on a topic near and dear to my heart: health! If only it were this easy, dearly beloved Yogi tea.

"To be healthy: eat right, walk right, and talk to yourself right."

Smile

("sideways dandy")

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

- Leo Buscaglia

The case of the disappearing platelets

Oh dear!
I had my weekly blood test today.
And guess what?

Only 12,000 platelets! (Normal is 150,000 to 400,000)

:(

I'm pretty mad.
Really mad!
I could NOT feel it at all! I thought I had tons of platelets this week!

I did get 3 new bruises yesterday, so that was a small hint.
But otherwise, no symptoms this time.
They went all the way from 146,000 to 12,000 in one week!

At first, the nurse said: "You'll need to come in for a bag or two of platelets this afternoon so we can get you into a safe range (the safe range is above 30,000)." But then she talked to the doctor, and the doctor told her the full background story about how the unit of platelets in the ER didn't work and it probably wouldn't work today. So instead, I get more Prednisone. Whoo-hoo.

ARG! I wanted to be off of the steroids ASAP.
I don't like them. And they aren't even really working. They just cover up whatever is making my immune system so nutty.

So that's the APU (annoying platelet update).

I'm just supposed to be extra careful not to get any kind of injury since platelets have the special responsibility of making the blood stick together. Without platelets, the blood doesn't have a way to stop coming out. Thankfully, I have a list of phone numbers I can call if I have questions. I'll have more bloodwork later this week and the docs will keep updating the plan. The nurse said it is safe to keep living a normal life - well, relatively normal, just super cautious. So that's good.

Okay, sure; no problem. I'll just skip my usual Monday rock climbing lesson and my dirt bike class later today. And this evening, I'll just hold off on my scheduled sky diving trip. And no monster truck racing until AT LEAST next week. :) Careful Girl, it is.

This is all so odd. I feel healthy.

I am healthy, I am healthy, I am healthy.

Previous Platelet Updates:

"Now that was a weird day."

"Well Darn"

"Silly Hospital Pics"

"Go Platelets!!!!!"

"The Plates"

Okay, Emily Anne. Back to work. Positive thinking, positive thinking.
There are lots of other issues and concerns and joys and people to think about.
Thanks for reading!

Time for my favorite quote:
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well." - Julian of Norwich

This morning's tea bag says....

"Bliss is a constant state of mine,
undisturbed by gain or loss."

These Yogi-brand tea bags crack me up! I simultaneously think they are totally cheese-ball and totally wonderful.

Word of the day: Bliss

Dictionary definition: "supreme happiness, utter joy, contentment." I double-dare you to incorporate this lovely word into at least TWO sentences today! Go for it! I'll try to do the same.

Farmer's Market Treasures

I adore the local farmer's market.
What a brilliant, life-giving atmosphere! I can't wait to gobble up all these goodies!
Leek ideas, anyone?