Love - I need your help.

Friends,
I need your help.
This time I really mean it!
I'm putting together a confirmation lesson for February 16th.
Our theme that night - of course - is love.

In 1-2 sentences -
WHAT IS LOVE?

Please respond with a comment.
Don't think too much about it.
This isn't a quiz - and I'm not looking for "right" and "wrong" answers.
I'm compiling all the responses (and maybe some video interviews) - to hopefully turn it into a video for the kiddos before our class that night.

So, to repeat:
WHAT IS LOVE?

Manifest the Glory

"We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

- Marianne Williamson

Original Sin

Free to work without plan....

"But now I see nothing
With the eye. My whole being
Apprehends.
My senses are idle. The spirit
Free to work without plan
Follows its own instinct..."
-Chuang Tzu

Sometimes I try to FORCE the Spirit to move when, how, and where I want it to. "Sometimes" is an understatement. "Regularly" is more accurate.

This week my goal is this: accept the fact that the Spirit moves when, how, and where it wants to move. No human can control the Spirit of God. Instead of living in fear - or opposition - or frustration - I am going to try to embrace the reality of God's free-flowing, creative Spirit.

I am going to try to breathe more and start paying attention to when, how, and where the Holy Spirit is already moving and work with Her.

Black and White Sunset

The retreat.

This morning was the "Balance" retreat at church. It went really well. We had a 21-year-old and a 93-year-old and everything inbetween. Lovely. It is such a joy to see people connecting with one another and with their own beautiful, inner self.

Retreat facilitator will remain on my "dream job" list, most certainly . I have a LOT to learn, but it sure is one of my most life-giving activities.

For the rest of the day, I'm going to read, eat, watch a movie, exercise, eat, read, and sleep. :)

What's on your weekend agenda?

What jobs are on your "dream job" list?

Listen Up

I'm quite behind on episodes of one of my favorite public radio programs "Being" (formerly called Speaking of Faith). I recently heard the November 25th episode with John O'Donohue. You must listen! Here's the link to the episode: The Inner Landscape of Beauty.

It's genuinely thought-provoking and lovely. The man being interviewed, John O'Donohue, was SUCH an incredible man. He died in his sleep in his early 50s a few years ago. Recently, a dear friend sent me a copy of his most recent book. It was published after his death. It's a book of blessings; wonderful! I encourage you to consider ordering it - it's WAY on sale on Amazon.

If you give this episode a listen, please leave a comment; I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

Words: Part 2

My intention for the day was to use only words that lift people up -and no words that tear down.

I was nearly successful but not quite. So I'll try again tomorrow. It was a very good exercise; I'm going to stick with it.

Wondering where my failures happened? I was part of a conversation on various celebrities and their personality types. I accidently said words that weren't particularly uplifting about Lady Gaga - who I actually like quite a bit. And then I meant to make a fairly neutral, non-judgmental statement that I think ended up sounding more negative than neutral. FAIL. Try again tomorrow.

Another goal: START EXERCISING! Oh me, oh my. Since the blood fiasco, I haven't exercised much at all. But all that will change! Seriously, I want to be healthy and exercise and get my heart rate up. The main problem is time. But no more excuses. Give me a "holla" if you want to cheer each other on in this department. How do you incorporate exercise into your life?

Words.

The power of words never ceases to amaze me. Today I heard words used to lift up and I heard words used to tear down. Words can be toxic. Words can be healing.

Tonight, I feel compelled to become a non-toxic user of words, so I'm going to try to go all day tomorrow without saying a single word that will tear another person down. This will be tricky and challenging....nothing negative about another human all day. I'm not one to sit around and berate people or gossip or say terrible things. But, I do probably say plenty of things that are less than affirming of others. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Feel free to join me for the experiment. Here are two Bible verses for added incentive....

Proverbs 16:24:
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Ephesians 4:29:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Bright Wings

Today I heard a great 90-minute talk on creation. A wonderful professor from Luther Seminary came and spoke to the conference pastors at our monthly meeting today.

The speaker highlighted the book of Job. I now feel inspired to dive into Job again. In the past, I have thought of it as one of my least favorite biblical books, but after today, I feel like giving it another chance.

The speaker also read the following poem. It's lovely. Read it a few times - especially the last few lines.

"God’s Grandeur"
by Gerard Manley Hopkins

THE WORLD is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
And wears man’s smudge and shares man’s smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.

And for all this, nature is never spent;
There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs—
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.

Gratitude Mondays

Monday seems like a good day to be thankful, right?
I think I'll have a new Monday routine - the creation of a gratitude list.
Please participate. :) I'll share a few and then you share a few.

Today, Monday, January 24th, I am thankful for:

-Pancake mix
-Maple syrup
-Friends
-Netflix
-My family
-Mascara
-Sweaters
-Coffee
-Community
-The New Testament
-Healing skin (from a curling iron burn)
-Laughter
-Good conversation

Sacred Spaces

Good morning.
I took an accidental trip down memory lane this morning.
I was looking for a photo to edit, and I came across many, many photos of my old Chicago neighborhood.

In the months before I moved to Minnesota, I loved wandering the grounds of the big Catholic church across from the seminary I attended. The trees and leaves were so green, and often I saw bunnies and birds and dragonflies.

It became a very sacred space for me during a time of uncertainty.

Today I'm doing some planning for the upcoming women's retreat we're holding at church.
I've been thinking a lot about sacred spaces, and how they relate to our overall feelings of "balance" and "wholeness."

Do you have sacred spaces? Internally? Externally? If so, where are they located?

Friends

Yahoo!

I got to see three wonderful friends today; two adult friends and one baby friend!
It was delightful. I love friends. Love love love.

Growing Slowly and Standing Still

It has been a week of slowly growing on the inside.
And for that, I am thankful.
I'm growing wheat grass inside my house. I love to watch it inch taller each day.
Watching the wheat grass progress reminds me that we are all on a journey of growth,
stretching upward but also growing deep roots - all at the same time.

I like this Chinese proverb quite a lot.
"Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still."
Sometimes, I long for life to stand still. And it's a dangerous business. It gets me stuck.
Not only do I sometimes long for time to stand still, I also find myself longing to go back,
to have "do overs" for past mistakes, to unhurt people I've hurt,
to make different choices, to try different paths.

But there is no standing still. And there is no going back.

There's just growth.

Growth on the outside and growth on the inside.

Today I am going to forgive myself for the past.
I am going to acknowledge the paths I didn't take.
I'm going to forgive myself for planting the garden in the field that may have poisoned me.
I'm going to rejoice in the life that I have RIGHT NOW not the life I HAD or WILL HAVE.
And I am going to move ahead.
I hope you'll join me.

Growth. Slow and steady....growth.

A New Day: Thanking God

I am so genuinely thankful for a new day. Thank you creation, thank you universe, thank you God - for your constant promise of renewal.

This morning I woke up internally feeling much better than yesterday.

The headaches are not pleasant, but I will learn to adapt.

We are having a Women's Retreat next Saturday at church,
and I'm having a blast planning and preparing. My dream job is currently:
Yoga-teacher, librarian, retreat facilitator, lady pastor -
So I'm excited to have an opportunity to actually facilitate a retreat! The theme is balance.

I know, I know - how ironic that I would lead a retreat on balance -
since I'm often quite unbalanced.
"They" say we often teach what we most need to learn. That is very much true in this case.

Any tips on how to stay balanced, beloved readers?
Many of you are so good at managing your different roles and schedules.
What are your secrets of success?

Also, what books of the Bible do you love? Not like? Find mysterious?

Also, how do you feel about small group activities? Uncomfortable? Awkward? Fun? Exciting?

I'd love your feedback!!!!

P.S. - The retreat is open to ALL women - and it's free! If you live in the area and want more info, please let me know! We'd love to have a big group. It's 8:30-11:30am on Saturday, January 29th. Ages 14 and up.

Attitude Adjustment

Today I need an attitude adjustment.
I think tomorrow will better.

I needed one night to be a big baby about my silly blood.
The IVIG is giving me some major headaches this time. Ouch.
But no more being a complainer.

Tomorrow is a new day.
And it will be here in just a few hours. :)

Night, night!

Laughter and Healing

Holy Moment.

Twice a month, we have communion during the Sunday services.

The kids who don't take communion yet receive a blessing. (I'd be totally awesome with kids receiving communion as soon as they were able to hold their hand out - but that's not the practice at this church).

There's a little gal who is about 4-years-old. She's been coming to church for a few months now. Today, during the blessing, I looked in her eyes and said, "May you remember today and every day that Jesus loves you very, very much."

She got a great big smile on her face and nodded. She looked over at her mom and tugged on her shirt.

"Yeah...Jesus loves me," she said to her mother, as if she understood all of life's mysteries in an instant.

It was beautiful.

Basil Snow Time

This Week

This week, I am thankful for:

-Plants
-Sacred moments
-Prayer
-Community
-Funerals
-Confirmation students
-Friends
-Possibility
-New highlights in my hair
-The Infusion Therapy Center
-Medicine
-Yoga
-Phones

How about you?

Hospital Visit Fun

Hey - it has been awhile since I blabbered on and on about the hospital, huh?

:)

Today I got to spend a lot of time there!

First I had my appointment with Dr. Hook.

Then, an evening at the Infusion Therapy Center.

Bottom Line: Those 8 rounds of Rituxan were not successful.

So onward and upward to the next plan.

I will now have an IVIG treatment every 3-4 weeks and blood tests every two weeks. My diagnosis is now Chronic ITP. It becomes Chronic ITP if a person still has it after 6 months. Oh well. Dr. Hook said that I can live a pretty normal life. I'll continue to be careful and especially aware of bruises and bleeding. Weeks 1 and 2 after IVIG will be very normal weeks with a higher platelet count - weeks 3 and 4 after IVIG will probably reveal more symptoms. I can continue with this plan for as long as IVIG keeps working - even for many years.

I had IVIG today and it went just fine.

This all totally stinks.

And it is not my idea of fun.

But, I've always aspired to write a funny, heart-warming memoir someday, and now I'll have plenty of material for my chapter on the importance of the often-underrated platelets.

Danger Zone

Hey all,

I'm back in the ol' "Danger Zone" for platelets.
23,000 today.
Boo.

I meet with my hematologist this afternoon.

Over the phone, the nurse said, "Emily, don't despair. We still have plenty of tricks up our sleeve." I was getting a bit tearful, so it was a nice encouragement.

She said that Dr. Hook might suggest a maintenance dose of IVIG or Rituxan - every week or every other week.

I feel sad and mad.
But this life, right?
Happy times and sad times.
Thankful times and bitter times.
Hills and valleys.

I pray for trust and hope and healing.

And, the sweet refrain is echoing in my heart: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."

Thank you, God.

"Nonsense and beauty of close connections." - E. M. Forster

"Only connect." - E. M. Forster

I am feeling overwhelming gratitude tonight.
My confirmation small group and I had some big breakthroughs.
Tonight, those 8th grade girls taught me a lot about:

-life
-friendship
-being a teen in the world today
-trust
-humor
-discipline
-laughter
-curiosity
-faith

Thank you, God, for middle-schoolers.

To Begin

"All glory comes from daring to begin."

-Eugene F. Ware

Aspect & Essence

Greetings,

It is an intense & busy week vocationally, so my posts will be brief. Primarily this week will be edited photos and quotes. Thank you for reading; I really do have fun and unique aspirations for the blog. In the meantime, thanks for sticking with me.

"Love is something eternal; the aspect may change but not the essence."

- Van Gogh

Searching on a Sunday

"As long as one keeps searching, the answers come."

- Joan Baez

Sun & Shadows

I really like this quote. I love the idea of consciously working to soak in the positive and put in the negative in the past.

But what about the days when there is no sun?
I ask this both literally and figuratively.

Some days the sun doesn't peek out. Sometimes life is just clouds and more clouds.
Personally, I'm feeling quite sunny lately. And that's peachy - but I'm well aware that "blue skies and sunshine" is never the permanent forecast for any of our lives. There are plenty of times when it's hard to put our face to the sun because we can't seem to find it. We don't know which direction to face. What do we do then?

Maybe those are the times we rely on:
#1) Memory
#2) Community

The Bible is so cool. Seriously, I'm really falling in love with the Bible lately. I know - it has some REALLY bogus books and chapters. It's offensive in places - it makes no sense in other places. But in many respects, the Bible is so brilliant. It's this giant family scrapbook. For generations and generations people have used this book to learn the story of God.

For generations and generations, people have gone through times when they couldn't see the sun. And they used these stories to remind one another that the sun did shine and the sun WILL shine again.

In the meantime, we stand together - we surround one another with love - and we wait for the warm rays to find us once again.

Infusion Confusion

Hello and good evening.
Today, I had Rituxan round #8 at the hospital!
Hopefully, it will be my final round for awhile.
It will be quite glorious to have those 5 hours back each week.

Everything went smoothly with today's infusion.
And strangely, those nurses have started to seem like my real-life friends.
I did spend a lot of hours with them over the last few months.

My dear platelets are still confused. They were down to 78,000 today.
It's above the danger zone - most certainly. But they are going the wrong direction each blood test. Don't worry. I think things will be turning around next week.

Happy Epiphany today.

Did you celebrate? Wondering what Epiphany is?

Click here.

A Little Wednesday Miracle

I would like to share about my special little "coincidence" from today!
Remember earlier this week when I was asking about how you make decisions?
(PS - Thanks for your emails, texts, and comments on that topic)

Well, earlier today, I got some great heavenly insights on the topic.

I was visiting my dear kindergarten friends from 9-10am at the local elementary. I hang out there with them for one hour each week. Today, we were working on a worksheet describing the differences between "smaller" and "bigger" objects. I happened to glance up and notice a big chart sitting on top of a cabinet.

The caption on the top of the chart read: "How to Make Decisions"!

It's a chart created for 5-year-olds, but I found the tips to be quite invaluable! The chart read as follows:

Maria is thinking about what to do today.

1. What is the question?
2. List the choices.
3. Think about each choice.
4. Make a decision.

Sometimes I make things so complicated. It was so good to be reminded today that decision-making really doesn't need to be all that complicated after all.

Entrails

I stumbled across this frosted web awhile back out in "nature," and I have been searching for a good line of literature to pair it with ever since. This evening, I discovered a great snippet from English poet, John Dryden.

It's really lovely; I had to read it quite a few times before it made sense to me. I just don't use the word "entrails" nearly enough! In case you are wondering (and I totally just looked it up in the dictionary), it means "internal organs."

Looking for a good song to listen to on repeat this week? Download "Citrus" by The Hold Steady. The lyrics are fascinating. Judas and Jesus are both mentioned. One line is: "I see Jesus in the clumsiness of young and awkward lovers." It's a lovely song; I know it sounds weird. But maybe you should just download it. Let me know what you think....

Starting off the new year...

We are 3 days into this new year.
Has it been a good year so far?

My 2011 has been quite swell.
I set 10 intentions for the year - which are basically modified resolutions.
I certainly won't keep all of them all the time, but I will try.

Pastor world is good. A big week/weekend ahead - but I'm feeling peaceful.
I realized that I have a lot to be thankful for here, and although the schedule is unique and not my ideal, I learn and grow each day. And I get to spend time with a beautiful variety of people, gain priceless life experience, rent a house, and preach - teach - and administer the sacraments. My 2011 attitude will hopefully be one of sincere gratitude and not complaining.

Health world is also good. The platelets are going down a bit each blood test, but they are still holding pretty steady. 95,000 today which is still well above the danger zone. I think the Rituxan is working. I really hope it will continue to work. I really, really, really do. It will just take awhile to even everything out. I will try to share updates when they're relevant.

As we start off this new year, I have the theme of decisiveness on my mind.
I've always wanted to be a person who could quickly and intelligently make good decisions.
In reality, there are some parts of life in which I am highly indecisive. And so I'm asking you for input. Do you have any good decision-making techniques?
Pro and con lists?
Coin flipping?
Straw drawing?
Prayer?

I look forward to your tips. Sincerely.

Intentional

Hello, 1-1-11