7.20.2009

Sometimes I miss things even while I still have them.

Today's photo: "Literacy & Vitamin D"


The weather is beautiful today. 72 degrees and sunny. I spent some of today reading my treasure-of-a-book "The Book Thief" outside at the park, absorbing some rays of heat and listening to barking dogs and laughing humans.

Sitting on a bench in the sun surrounded by trees and birds and people of so many cultural backgrounds left me feeling a bit squashed. Usually this environment makes me feel thankful and alive, but today it felt a little different. Different because I know that soon things will change pretty dramatically. I won't be surrounded by the same diversity, I won't be in the middle of an urban area, and I won't be living within the generally-sheltered world of academia. Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly excited about the rapidly approaching possibility of becoming an Associate Pastor in Minnesota. Truly! I am thankful. I will be a real grown-up! And a real pastor! And I will meet new, amazing people with diverse opinions and experiences, and it will be a beautiful thing.

But sometimes I miss things even while I still have them. It's silly, I know. But it's true. Today I nearly turned into a small puddle while chatting with Pintor, the amazing fellow who works at the LSTC mailroom. I'm really going to miss chatting with him. These days, every time I see a person, I wonder if I should say "goodbye" because it's highly likely that I won't see them again for quite some time. I know I said I was reading that book about "goodbyes" and really trying to improve my skills in this area. But, like I said, goodbyes feel sad. :( And hard.

I really am 100% excited for the future. I'm not trying to be a whiner/complainer/big baby. I just really love this place and these people and the last 4 years of life in Illinois (both Chicago and southern Illinois). There are sections of life that are so deeply formative and influential. And for me, these seminary years shaped the core of my soul.

But, alas, we continue on, right? The growing and the learning doesn't stop. There are going to be new people and new experiences just around the corner. And while saying "goodbye" feels a bit like a small death, it's actually just paving the way for a new chapter. Relationships modify and change when distance gets added to the equation, but they don't actually have to die. My friends and professors and learning partners will always be dear to my heart. And whether we keep in touch regularly or irregularly, they are a part of who I am, forever. And that won't change. There is comfort in the human capacity to honor and remember.

2 comments:

  1. Emily, we truly know the feelings you described! We were excited about moving on to the 'real world', but were just heartbroken to be leaving Hyde Park. We miss the people, diversity, parks, eateries, the lake and all it offers.....what a place Chicago is! So we grieve with you in this change and know you will be excited about your new transition in MN. Thanks for helping us to say goodbye to Hyde Park with your small tributes :)

    love from Carthage

    ReplyDelete
  2. Emily, we truly know the feelings you described! We were excited about moving on to the 'real world', but were just heartbroken to be leaving Hyde Park. We miss the people, diversity, parks, eateries, the lake and all it offers.....what a place Chicago is! So we grieve with you in this change and know you will be excited about your new transition in MN. Thanks for helping us to say goodbye to Hyde Park with your small tributes :)

    love from Carthage

    ReplyDelete