Faith or Something Like It: It Felt Like Wholeness

This week held a major breakthrough for me.  As I walked down the hallway leading to my office at church, I had the following thought: "I've really been feeling like my real self around here."

I think the chameleon-effect is something many of us suffer from.  We have different-selves for different environments.  This isn't all bad.  Sometimes it's necessary and can even be helpful.  But in general, it seems healthy for us all to be working toward combining all our selves into one, well-rounded, healthy being instead compartmentalizing.  

I've definitely felt in recent years like I wasn't quite sure who I was supposed to be.  We all have that feeling once in awhile, right?  Which self is the right self?  Which Emily is the right Emily?  I want to creative and artsy and outgoing - but sometimes my inner introvert screams for alone time and I'd rather watch soap opera than the newest documentary.  A little slice of my heart is edgy and rebellious - but most of it is not.  There's a part of my soul that's in love with the beauty of all the world's religions - there's another part that's awfully Lutheran.  See what I mean?  I'm a hodgepodge of contradictions.  And when I really think about, I suppose most of us are.  And maybe that's a beautiful thing.

All I know is that for the first time in a long time, I sat at my desk one sunny afternoon this week with the sudden realization: "It's possible to be an authentic, real, relatable pastor - and I'm becoming her."  And it felt good.  It felt like wholeness.    
Here's the mug I was drinking out of at the time of the previously mentioned epiphany.  
It's brand new.  I plan to keep drinking out of it daily.