tiny dots = no platelets

Time for a personal update.
Sorry for the lack of those as of late.
I miss blogging and writing and look forward to December when things slow down.

Life is so full lately...work especially. Good full...but too full. Work is really fulfilling, though. I feel like I'm finding a sweet spot. A sense of real purpose and call in doing what I do alongside the people with whom I work.

I'm trying to squeeze in workouts 4-5 times a week at the Rochester Athletic Club; that has been a really healthy and fun outlet - and I'm continuing to use the MyFitnessPal app.

Oh...and I ran out of platelets yesterday.

My count was 0. 

Pretty impressive, huh? It's actually possible to have none.

It's scary, for sure. If I really think about it, it's super duper scary.
But why dwell? It won't help. 

You can see from the chart above that my count has been all over the place for the past month. #weeeeeeee #rollercoaster

The issue is figuring out the right dose and frequency of the bone marrow stimulator called Nplate. Hopefully soon things will stabilize. In the meantime, platelet transfusions and daily lab draws. But I haven't needed to get admitted inpatient so it isn't interrupting work. That makes me feel good. I HATE when ITP interrupts my work life. It is one of my biggest #plateletpeeves (platelet pet peeves). 

Emotionally: I'm doing alright. That's the truth. Alright. Some good days. Some shitty days. The summer was really rough on a lot of levels...all at the same time. I'm still recovering. Sometimes healing takes longer than we wish it did. 

I was in adrenaline mode for August-September, plowing forward and not looking back. And now I'm in reflection mode aware that I can't outrun my wounds. I'm now trying to make some sense of what has been while looking forward to what might be. Finding some middle, ever-elusive ground between optimism and realism. Crying. Laughing. All the rest.

Trying to be a good friend, sister, daughter, employee, pastor, child of God - refocusing on building up those core relationships that I had neglected. Finding opportunities to volunteer and reengage in community life.

And trying to be good/forgiving/compassionate to myself...as a lot of my root issues stem from the fact that I can be a total, neglectful asshole to myself sometimes. 

Overall, I feel a lot of gratitude a lot of the time. 

For music. For learning. For humans. For every day on this side of forever. 

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