Dreams and Mysterious Forces

Have you read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho?
I am reading it, and I love it so far (I'm only 30 pages in).
I don't know what will happen as the book continues, but I was very struck by the paragraph above.

It's about how when we're young, we feel everything is possible.  We dream and hope and explore.  But then a mysterious force takes over and makes us think our dreams are impossible.

Sometimes I feel that mysterious force in my own life.  For me, it's a kind of self-doubt, worry, and anxiety.  It sucks.  Literally.  It sucks the life out of me.  And sometimes it rushes over me like a big wave, when I'm not even expecting it.

There's another mysterious force, too - it's the opposite.  It's a kind of passion, joy, and exuberance.  I felt it last week a few times, and it almost knocked the breath right out of me.  It was so beautiful. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the verge of a really exciting life possibility, like I'm being shaped and formed now for something that I can hardly yet imagine.  I love that feeling.  I catch glimpses of it, and I try to harness it. I try to cultivate it so I can live in that feeling all the time.

In the book I'm reading, the old man character says that the negative stuff can seep in more as we get older, if we don't keep it away.  I agree.  Sometimes the negative stuff does seep in more.  Sometimes I feel like all my hope and possibility and dreams are getting sucked out.  Especially at the end of long workdays and challenging meetings.  I get home late and arrive to my empty rented house in the middle of a cornfield, and I wonder, "Did I miss something?  Where did my 20s go?"  I begin to doubt myself and my choices.  I begin to wonder and question and worry that I missed stepping onto a big, important boat that will never return to these shores.

I don't want to get squashed and smashed in the negative parts of life.  I don't want to get lost in the life-sucking parts of church or politics or relationships.  I don't want to get stuck in the past or the present or the future.  I don't want other people's opinions of me to be my primary focus or concern.  Most of all, I don't want to lose who I am.  And I don't want to lose sight of who God is calling me to become.

I long to live a life of purpose and joy and service.  Don't we all?  I want to love and be loved.  I want to dream and help others achieve their dreams.  I want to encourage people and make them laugh. I want to feel valued.  I want to write books.  And write music.  I want to take pictures and spend time with the elderly.  And teach confirmation.  I want to wear high heels and drink wine.  I want to laugh with my friends and family.  I want to cry with them, too.  I want to take Jesus seriously.  I want to believe everything is possible.  I always want to believe that.  That IS what Jesus said.  That was my confirmation verse.  "Everything is possible for those who believe."

Thanks for listening, friends.  Let's keep cheering for one another, okay?  I'm rooting for you.  Don't lose who you are, either, okay?  Because you are wonderful.  Really.  And you're special, just exactly how you are.

PS:  I wrote this post last night, exhausted from a long day.  Then I woke up this morning and grabbed a book off the shelf that I haven't yet read.  It's called "Something More" by Sarah Ban Breathnach.  This was on the first page.  This paragraph was a beautiful present from the Holy Spirit.  Thank you, God.  It's a new day.  And all things are possible.


1 comment: