Be Nice to Yourself

Do you ever have experiences during which you really annoy yourself? 

Today I mega annoyed myself at about 7:45AM.

I was waiting at the Charlton lab for my usual Wednesday morning lab draw. I'm going every Monday, Wednesday, Friday before work these days, and it's going well. Now and then I get right in, but generally it's about 15 minutes. Today it was getting closer to 40 minutes, and I could feel my patience dwindling fast. Slowly but surely, I went from chipper to chipped! 

I became such an impatient little nut!

Finally they called my name, and I basically RAN to meet the lab tech to go back to the little booth. 

"Wow, you're moving fast today," she said. 

"Yeah, I need to be to work in 5 minutes," I said impatiently. 

"We'll get you in and out," she said.

For some reason, I then felt the need to point out that it was so "interesting" how it sometimes the wait is 10 minutes and other times it's an hour. 

Yeah, Emily, I'm pretty sure she knows that! She works here!

Then I calmed down and affirmed the amazing, quick poke, and was on my merry way.

I'm not really sure why things were moving more slowly today at the lab. And none of it really makes that big of a difference. It is what it is. 

You think I'd have made peace with waiting and lines at Mayo by this point! 5.5 years later...and I am still so entirely irritated by waiting. 

Truth be told, I generally do just fine with the lines and the waiting. 

But sometimes, Gremlin Emily comes out, and she is a real crab apple!

By the time I got to work this morning, I was already feeling mortified by my impatience. Not so much because I said or did anything strange. I think my interactions were fine. 

But I was more mortified to be reminded that some crazy part of my brain can take over like that! The "reactive" part - the "entitled" part - the "impatient" part - the "fight or flight" part.  Where the heck does she come from?

I'm saying all this to share that I have a long, long, long way to go, and a lot, lot, lot of work to do before I reach any point that even remotely resembles Zen-like. So, just in case you ever annoy yourself the way I annoy myself, I'd say this: you're not alone. 

I'd also say: be nice to yourself. 

Forgive yourself.

Shake it off. 

Tomorrow is a new day. 

I'm going to tuck Crab Apple Emily into bed. She's doing her best. She really is. And she needs a little injection of grace tonight. 

I hope you'll be graceful with yourself, too!


  1. Dear CAE,

    Peace be with you. May you respond instead of react the next time you find yourself irritated without intent.

    Thank you for sharing, so that we readers will also benefit by heeding your call to be nice to ourselves.

    May you have an openly grace-filled day!

    Paul (aka too-frequently-in-the-same-boat-as-CAE-Paul)

  2. You are just so real and honest, love it!