Need a little courage syrup.


“Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgment that something
else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever
but the cautious do not live at all. For now you are traveling the road
between who you think you are and who you can be.” - Meg Cabot

True Confession Time.

I'm really scared.
I've been trying my best the last two months.
Working hard at church.
Laughing a lot.
Being silly.
Spending time with family and friends.
Lighting candles.
Saying prayers.
Remembering that the world is very big, and my spleen is very small in comparison.
Trying to focus on the larger picture.
Eating obsessively healthy.
Trying to not take my platelets too seriously.

But tonight I'm pretty scared.
I want my blood to be normal again.
I don't want to have ITP anymore.
I don't want to have these transfusions tomorrow and Monday.
I don't want to meet with a surgeon.
I don't want to consider the other drug treatments.
I REALLY don't want to have this condition for the rest of my life.
I don't want to feel this worry and fear every time I see a new bruise.
I don't want to hear my doctor say the phrase "bleed to death" one more time.

What I really need is a big gulp of courage syrup.
So I'm searching out "bravery quotes" online for inspiration for my soul. Thank you Google.

Sometimes, when people say, "There's a reason for all this; you're going to be okay"
- it's really helpful. And I think, "Yeah, I'm sure you're right."

Then, other times when people say something like that, I think,
"I'm not so sure there is a reason for any of this.
I think really crappy things happen every day to people
all around this planet that have no rhyme or reason.
And it sucks. It doesn't mean God doesn't care. It doesn't mean God isn't present.
It just means maybe it's okay to make a little space for the
idea that we live in a really broken world that sometimes makes no sense."

Maybe sometimes the best that we can do is to find a balance between bravery and vulnerability.
Maybe all we can do sometimes is keep moving, remembering that we're never alone.

Tonight, that's what I'm going to try.


  1. As a pastor, I'm sure you've heard this, but I heard it the other day and maybe it'll help: God's will won't take you further than than God's grace will cover you. I'm a NICU nurse and we give IVIG occasionally to the babies when their platelets are low and it does seem to help. They also have more energy afterward. The immunoglobulin seems to help them help themselves. I hope it does the same for you!

  2. Therese - great to hear from you! Thanks for the comment. :) I really like those words about God's will and God's grace!