It's raining. This is not helping my already semi-tearful mood. I was doing just fine until about an hour ago, and suddenly I have turned into a blubbering mess of transitional tears. The fact that I am listening to all my most depressing songs on repeat could be contributing to the fact that it's "raining on my face" (this is how Flight of the Conchords hilariously refers to crying: here's the song). Actually, watching that video just made me feel a little better.
Last night was the senior class dinner and party. Then this morning was graduation rehearsal. Then I had lunch with my learning partner/friend Young. And I was really not feeling emotional until I got home and realized my friend Joy won't be staying overnight on Tuesdays anymore. I know it's time to be done with seminary, and I'm excited for all my classmates and professors to journey onward to serve and love and learn. I know the library staff will be fine without me, and my learning partners will, too. Sometimes I'm just not sure I'm going to be fine without them.
It's so tricky; you build your life surrounded by specific routines among particular people, and then that chapter ends, and it's over. And you have to rebuild with new routines and new people. And I love new people; I do. But, I really love old people, too. You know?
I remember feeling this way 4 years ago when I graduated from Wartburg; I was scared beyond description to move to Chicago, and I never thought this city would mean so much to my whole life's development. And I remember feeling this same sadness when I had to move to Marion for internship which I was convinced would be like moving to another planet; instead it was like moving home. And then I did some serious grieving when I had to leave my life and family and friends in southern Illinois to come back to Chicago. There have been so many transitions in the last 5 years. And I have definitely learned an infinite number of lessons all along the way. And I'm thankful for it all, but in truth, all these transitions are leaving a small hole in my heart. But, I can't imagine my life without any single step of these chapters of my life. So, I guess when I'm feeling sad about the reality that chapters end, I'll just try to remember to be thankful that God blessed me with all these experiences and these people who have taught me what life is about. I don't think I could ever express the depths of my gratitude in coherent words, so a simple 'thank you' to the Creator of All will hopefully suffice.
Thank you, God.
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